I'm not sure even where to begin on this post because there's so much to say.

Four out of the six ALCS games I watched with different guys. One was not a Matchy. Three of them were: Oldieman, Kman and Sportsman.

I feel no certain attachment toward any of them. In fact, I find myself fidgeting uneasily after hanging out with one for too long. It's clear I like my own space and time.

I don't know if I'm becoming a commitment-phobe, or if I just don't like any of these guys enough to want to spend more than four hours at a time with them.

I'm tired of "dating." I'm tired of seeing someone new each night. Kman has a nice face, Sportsman is overzealous and the situation with Oldieman is getting too comfortable and routine.

I haven't checked my Match account in days now and my subscription runs out Nov. 15. Thank goodness. There's been a few times now where my mouse has hovered over that tempting "Cancel Subscription" button. Match has provided me a lot of fun, but it's run its course.

Or maybe not.

Date two. Canceled.

It's just me and a six-pack of beer tonight.

So many boys, so little time

I'm going over Kman's tomorrow to watch the Yankees beat the piss out of his beloved Texas Rangers. We have a bet going on but win or lose, I'll still win. Let's just say plenty of beer will be had.

I don't know what to really expect with Kman since I only went on one date with him, that ended in near disaster what with me downing a half bottle of wine and kicking his poor dog out of the bed so I could sleep over.

I'm still as excited as the first time to see him though. Maybe it's because of his irresistibly good looks and slight Southern charm. Maybe because it'll be a welcomed break from Oldieman, for whom I'm still having mixed feelings about.

I'm a sucker for a good looking man. Like a delicious man. Which is exactly what Kman is. I don't expect to date this guy. I don't think I even want to. I just want to ... look at him. All day.

And this is where my dating life gets good, falls into a nice little rotation - the one I chided myself for wanting three weeks ago. Attention is coming from all sides: Oldieman, Kman and now Sportsman (not quite sure about this one...). Not to mention, my ex-douche bag boyfriend is back in the mix, too.

It's clear at this point that my sentiments of wanting a relationship have dissipated into this constant desire for attention from multiple sources. Also, time is a factor in me breaking free from the shackles of wanting a significant other. I'm wrapped up in work right now and don't have the attention span to dedicate to just one person. Seeing a few at once helps me stave off the possibility of wanting to have a boyfriend.

This mini-rotation I have going on might be what people strive for on Match, like the Golden Ticket or that perfect, not fucked up or ill-fitting cashmere sweater you find at TJ Maxx. If you strictly date just one person at one time, you're wasting precious moments that could be spent combing through and weeding out what few gems there are in the Match world. If you date too many, you don't allow yourself to see the future potential each individual may hold. My mini-rotation right now fits my lifestyle - it sounds brash, but I can't help but believe that this is what other career-driven and relatively attractive single people like me do. I have no spoken commitment to just one guy and am enjoying the qualities each has to offer.

I know that sounds selfish. But in all fairness, singlehood is the only time you can be selfish. When you're seriously dating someone, you revert to being selfless on behalf of the other. There will be none of that. Not right now, at least.

So tomorrow, when my head is spinning due too much beer, a Yankee victory and an incredibly, incredibly hot guy in my presence, I won't be regretting putting these boys on a lazy Susan for me to devour at my leisure.

You gotta write the rules to play the game.

All's quiet on the Match front

I'm two full months into my three-month subscription. I'm ready to cancel this thing and call it quits.

I actually went on a last minute date the other night with a guy who just moved to my town. He's 24 and works in sports a college nearby. He has a great sense of humor and can keep the conversation moving. He's also the first guy to ask in detail about what I do for a living. Put into perspective just how selfish (or indifferent) all the others have been toward me on our first dates.

I like Sportsman but there's just no spark. And now, nearly eight (? seven? ten?) dates later, I'm left dumbfounded and disappointed that I haven't found one damn guy who's been dashing enough to ignite that spark.

Oldieman has now been reduced to a time consumer. He might be going away to New England for business this weekend and asked if I wanted to go. The idea of "going away" with someone makes my skin crawl.

The more guys I date - and the more involved I get with with the ones that stick around (namely, Oldieman) - the more I want to run away and stay single for the rest of my life. Or for at least a good portion of my twenties. I feel like I'm going to be impossible to have a serious relationship with after all this Match fluff.

I might be a commitment-phobe at this point. I might be playing that game of keeping my guard up so I don't get hurt. Or I just might not genuinely like these dudes I'm seeing.

Why?

I'm not overly picky. I have reachable standards. And I've tried to go into every first date with an open mind. So why the failure again?

Kman was the only guy I had the possibility of feeling a spark with - but then again, I feel like his charm and all-American, drop-dead-gorgeous good looks clouded my perception.

My dear friend suggests that I should live a single life completely free of dating. At this point, I'm leaning more toward this option.

I hate feeling disenchanted. But I think I'm no longer in the Match mindset...

The elusive Oldieman

They say opposites attract. I guess you don't realize the breadth of that maxim until you see the repellent reaction when two of the same personalities are in one place (a small apartment) for a long period of time (12 hours).

I'm a naturally high-strung person. I get worked up pretty easily and don't hesitate to shoot my mouth off if I'm not happy about something - or someone. Oldieman is like a carbon copy of me at my worst - and then some.

For the last 72 hours - and then some - of my life, I have heard all the minute details of his trials and tribulations of starting up his own company. I've been (verbally) taken from the bank to open up a small business account to dealing with his unsavory and manipulative business partner to designs he's working on for a prospective client.

Oldieman called me twice yesterday AFTER I had left his place to ramble on about his business. Granted, I know it's a scary time for him, what with a mortgage and dumping his life's savings into a risky web app design-based entrepreneurial venture, but I can't help but realize that his personal problems are beginning to bleed into my personal life. And I don't like that.

When he's not stressed to the max, he's a pretty funny and laid back person to hang out with - evident on our first date. But when he's freaking out about work, a bottles-worth of Xanex and a half glass of wine couldn't chill him out. Oldieman does not understand the concept of leaving work at work - in part, because he works from home. I can't be with someone like that, not when I myself am high strung in my own rite. Keep it separate. I'm much younger than he but even I adhere to this.

This is what led to this ... epiphany, if you will.

Yesterday, I'm sitting on the floor of his living room typing away on my laptop, trying to get my own work done, while he's in the next room designing something for a client. As I'm muttering and cursing to myself about work, I elicit this response:

"Okay. Sweetie, really. The soundtrack and cursing reeeeeeeeally has to stop."

Am I in a nursery? Pre-school maybe?

I was so disgusted and mildly embarrassed by this that I could feel myself growing red in the face. I'm so past the point of being eager to please someone or fine-tuning myself to make something work. While there are times that I feel like I do genuinely like Oldieman, most of the time he just really annoys the shit out of me. That, and the fact that he willingly showed me the copious amount of pics of his ex on his phone while we were sipping wine the other night.

Kman texted me out of the blue and I'm thinking I can use his beautifulness and class to take my mind off of Old Spice, who's probably brooding in his home office for no reason while procrastinating from real work on Match right about now.

It's a game with all these boys, young and old. My recent hopes of meeting someone worthwhile have fizzled out. It's back to playing around.

Helloo? Is anyone out there?

Many close friends of mine have posed the question of if I think my dates will one day stumble upon this anonymous blog, put two and two together and call me out on my revealing rants, shit-talking and name-calling.

That's a risk I'm taking. I've caught myself a few times before gushing about this blog to my dates, especially after being asked how my Match experience has been going. I'm wondering how much SEO factors into these blog posts and if, perhaps, one of my Match dates would be so intelligent to pick up The Imperfect Sweater via Google.

There are online dating bloggers who tell their subjects about their blog, or have gained notoriety from their blog being publicized (like 50 First J-Dates). I don't agree with this method because it takes away from the candidness, honesty and the hopes that the average person could relate to my individual experience.

While the possibility of becoming a blogging celebrity is appealing, I don't expect The Imperfect Sweater to land on any major hub that would produce thousands of unique page views a day. So, for now, I'm safely tucked into the anonymity of this blog.

It's small and stupid and, in hindsight, will be painfully embarrassing to reread. But someone out there is reading this blog and cringing while reading about my bad dates and keeping their fingers crossed when the good ones come along.

So for that, I thank you, anonymous readers.

Girl falling for boy with girl's name

Am I really head over heels already? After just one date, two margaritas, an enchilada and a half-bottle of red?

I'm trying not to get too excited about Kman. But I haven't felt like this after one date with any of the dozen or so guys I've gone out with.

He exudes class and is funny. Well-spoken, smart and well-dressed. A polite, Southern gentleman with just a tinge of a Texas accent. Incredibly, incredibly good looking to the point where he's out of my league.

He told me his three-year relationship to the girl he thought he was going to marry ended in April after she refused to move to Jersey with him. So, there's baggage to some extent in the form of a broken heart - but probably not as much baggage as there is on my end.

Other than that, his only other possible dent comes in the form of having to turn on the faucet in order to pee.

I like him a whole lot already and would like to snatch him up like a toy in a vending machine and call him my own. He makes me want to give up my independent, single life and become a domestic girlfriend again. Ack.

I slept at his place last night which is completely unlike me despite my impulsive personality. My mom says I look like I'm "trashy" and "easy." Half a bottle of red was a poor life choice last night. He texted me an hour ago saying he had a "great time" last night with a stupid smiling emoticon, but at least it was some form of contact.

I have this underlying fear of people leaving me, which I have both my father and my ex-douche bag boyfriend to blame for just up and leaving me without notice.

Same feeling goes with Kman now. I know I'm getting ahead of myself after just one date, but I can see myself dating him. Kman says he doesn't do one night stands, he's not a male whore and contends that I'm the first girl he's gone out with on Match - so maybe there is a chance, if he's telling the truth.

I'm caught in between being able to trust someone and keeping my guard up. I've almost always had the upperhand with any guy I've dated for an extended period of time on Match. I always held that power and called the shots. But maybe it's because I never really felt a real, knock-you-on-the-ass spark with anyone.

I'm seeing Oldieman tonight - oh yes, he's back. I spoke waaay too soon in my previous post - for a dinner and a movie (or so he swears. Our last dinner and movie date was a complete flop and involved staying in and a single bottle of Bud Light).

I'm indulging in the attention I'm receiving and feel the game beginning between Oldieman and Kman. I want it to work out with Kman, but in an effort to protect myself, I'll keep Oldieman on the backburner.

I don't like playing games and I told Kman I wouldn't play one with him. But who really knows what he's thinking. He says he really likes me too, but maybe it was the margs and wine going to his pretty head.

In the meantime, til I get this figured out with Kman, I'll ride it out with Oldieman. I'm not saying this balancing act is right, because it's not, but it's necessary. This is where the beauty of online dating transcends into the nasty world of real life.

My apparent affinity for dudes with androgynous names

Revamping my Match profile and adding more fresh and full of expression photos seemed to have done the trick. My inbox (and BlackBerry) has been FLOODED with prospective men, a decent portion being relatively attractive.

Tonight I'm going out for Mexican in a cute town next to mine with Kman, who bears a striking similarity to my ex-douche bag boyfriend in that he has a girl's name.

But, moving on.

I had messaged Kman in the midst of my near-meltdown a few days ago. I made some lame comment about how beautiful his pictures were and that he was obviously a model. I was shocked he even wrote back to me, given the amount of attention he must garner from his photos.

After a few emails back and forth, this is what I know thus far:

- He had a stint in modeling (hence, the gorgeous, glossy pictures)
- He has a half-sleeve (!!!) and is all tatted up elsewhere
- He's extremely. Extremely. TALL.
- He's currently pursing a degree in graphic design

After giving him my number, we texted throughout my weekend trip to Vegas with my two girlfriends.

I might be being a bit too preemptive when I say this (getting flashbacks of Writerman, here...) but I have a strange, but giddy feeling about Kman. He's made comments about how he can tell already that we're going to get along and that he's super excited to meet me. A beautiful man who's well-spoken, educated and seemingly sweet? Sounds way too good to be true.

I feel a huge amount of pressure going into this date, something I've never felt before. There are a lot of expectations to be met. I don't lie or embellish by any means in my profile, but I know already that Kman is banking on me to work out (I have deduced this from the fact that his profile says he hasn't logged onto his account in over three days).

I know I harp on the necessity of not having expectations when going into a date. But mine are pretty much set with Kman. I want this to work out. But the more pressure I put on tonight's date, the more I'm going to be looking for his one dent that makes him damaged goods.

Here's to hoping I'm not proved right over margaritas tonight ...

Another one bites the dust.

Queen is ringing in my ears right now.

So let's do a brief recap since my life has been in a complete whirlwind for the last 5 or so days.

I slept at Oldieman's place two nights in a row, which was a bad, nearly indulgent decision on my end since I had training for my new job in the city early both days. Yesterday, he dropped me off at the Path station and moved my car to the other side of the block for street cleaning so I wouldn't get a ticket. Aww.

More like vom.

Oldieman texts me that he went into the city to work for a little bit and wanted to know if we could "go home" together. Are we married?

I had drinks with a bunch of people from my old job so I invited him through clenched teeth. I didn't feel comfortable with my closest friends and former co-workers meeting this ... man. At my going away party. I also knew he'd try to whisk me away well before midnight before the Path train turned into a pumpkin like in Cinderella. Only in hindsight, he was nowhere close to being my Prince Charming.

So he canceled, thank GOODNESS. I wound up getting back to his place at 2 a.m., and he was visibly annoyed by having to stumble out of bed all greasy and bloated in a pair of briefs to let me in at such an ungodly hour.

Age difference? Who said anything about an age difference??

I sheepishly - and drunkenly - ask if he's mad.

He looks at me incredulously as I begin to trudge up the two flights of stairs to his bachelor pad.

"It's two o'clock in the morning," he says with a greasy and bloated scowl.

"Then I'll go upstairs and get my keys and go home."

But no. I stayed because, quite frankly, I didn't feel like driving home at that point. Not after seven hours of beer and bar food.

Instead, I shoot out of bed at 7 a.m. like it was Christmas morning and I was five again.

He wakes up abruptly, even greasier and more bloated than he was five hours prior.

"What's wrong???"

"I'm leaving."

And then I left in a flurry of residual Bud Lites and cigarette breath with no more than a kiss on a cheek and half-sincere "I'll call you later."

There was something deeply visceral about crying silently while lying in bed next to someone for whom you feel absolutely nothing. I couldn't help but to think of my ex-douche bag boyfriend. Gulp.

Now, nearly half a day later and not one peep from him. Which makes me feel relieved because it saves me the trouble of having to bite the bullet and formally end things with Oldieman.

So as a small gift to myself - and swift kick in the ass - I completely refreshed my stale, pre-Oldieman profile on Match, updated my photos and even went out on a limb and messaged two boys.

If you made it this far into the post, I have to take the second to pontificate, which I feel more than entitled to doing since this round on Match has been nothing short of making me want to turn lesbian (I'd probably have better luck).

It's easy to lose yourself out there, in the magical facade of online dating. Especially when you're forcing yourself to indulge in dating several guys, when all you really want is one to call your own.

I don't know what the future holds. A lot of me wants to cancel my account and wipe my hands clean of Match for good. It's given me a ton of great bar stories and a few nice dinners, but right now, I just feel indifferent and empty.

Which is what my inbox has been for the three weeks while dating Oldieman.

It's fall. Time to turn a new leaf.

Short update

I think it's safe to say that I'm casually dating Oldieman now - after three dates.

I spent maybe 12 hours straight with him the other day and got incredibly sick of him fast. I don't know if this is my inner single girl screaming from within me or if I just don't like him a ton.

Him being "boyfriend material" is the furthest thing from my mind right now. He says he hates dating around and isn't a Match whore, but I'm still wary of him.

Other than that. My Match experience has come to a dead halt. No winks. No emails. No new dates lined up. No nothing. I guess they stopped spamming others inboxes with my profile. But this might be a good break for now. I haven't felt too connected to the site recently. It might be because I'm starting a new job and tending to Match is almost the equivalent of caring for a 7-year-old: the kid will entertain itself for a bit, but isn't yet completely self-sufficient.

Can't put all my eggs in Oldieman's basket.

By the way. Irishman Match messaged me (don't know why since he has MY PHONE NUMBER) saying:

"Hey there invalid,
Why don't you get rid of that nasty cough and let's hang out again."

To which I WISH I had the balls to respond:

"Hey there Mr. I-Like-To-Stare-And-Be-Real-Awkward,
Why don't you sign up for OKCupid since no woman should ever pay for a service that matches her with you?"

Delete.