Burning Out ... Already?

While things have certainly slowed down since the first-week rush of joining Match, I almost feel like giving up on the site. Yes. This early.

I'm supposed to pick a day to have lunch with Oldieman, and I just don't feel inspired to do so. There comes a point when going through the motions of "My favorite kind of music is ...", "I like this kind of food ..." gets tiring. Not only that, but this is where I know I'll begin to play a game with these men, instead of acting more like myself.

In the height of my Match experience last year, I was dating three guys at once: two were from the site and one was my on-again, off-again ex-boyfriend (we're very much off-again, for the record). I'm not one to date multiple men at once because it's just typically not my style. But there was this overwhelming sense of empowerment I felt while doing so. As if I could say, "This one's busy tonight? No problem. I'll have the other take me out to dinner."

I cringe while I write this, only because in hindsight, I may have been just using these guys for a good meal and a bit of attention when my ex-boyfriend failed to do so.

In reality, I do like the attention, hoarding it like I'll never be loved again. Texasman (an incredibly cute guy who lives five minutes away from me, but works out of Houson five days a week as a management consultant) keeps texting me all night and it's nice to pretend for an instant that I have someone.

But I digress (and stop myself before I begin overanalyzing). I will inevitably fall into the routine of dating a few guys at once. I can see it happening now. Maybe that's because I know I'll never get the attention I crave from the person I care about most (sob).

I'm getting tired of dating already because I almost want to ride this out with Bostonman and see where it goes. But I know I'd be screwing myself over by putting all my eggs in one basket. 

Maybe I will find someone - a perfect sweater - out of this experience. But if I'm banking on that, then I need to stop being lazy.