And Again.

Canceled. Postponed?

My date with Writerman was a no go. My feeling that he'd cancel was spot-on last night.

My good friend told me today that he thinks I expect too much going into these dates, then I'm horribly disappointed when they don't go my way.

I'm bad at being single - let's just get that out of the way first. I'm putting up a pretense with this blog that all I want to do is find a guy I can pretty much use or put on a rotation, for my enjoyment and to build up my self-worth. In reality, finding someone would be nice.

So I told my dear, critical friend that I'm trying to learn who I am as a single chick. He says someone who is really set on being single isn't set on dating - rather, they focus on family, friends and their alone time.

Good point.

I explained that my dating on Match just supplements my life while being single, not the other way around. I'm not living for these dates - despite the fact I get disappointed when things don't go the way I expect them to - I'm using this experience more as a time consumer.

Or am I?

Self-evaluation is inevitable with this project. Perhaps I've reached that point. That's not to say that the premise of this blog is changing to a quest to find true love. More like a quest to expose to those unfamiliar with Match what's really out there.

My friend firmly believes that I'm limiting myself by dating many guys in a short period of time. I tell him he's limiting himself by banking on that one cool person you meet at a bar or through someone else once every two months.

Let's face it, world: The conventional sock-hop style of dating is dead. Time is too precious and young people are too impatient to bank on sheer chance.

I am not wholly endorsing Match right now, as god knows I've been thrown a few curve balls in my self-proclaimed veteran days. But it is relieving - and convenient - to take out the legwork of bar dating and know if someone is into you straight off the bat.

I don't get hit on at bars. Men barely register a glance in my direction for god knows what reason. Maybe I'm putting off an air of intimidation? Maybe I'm just not attractive to the select folk that frequent that given bar? Or maybe that's just not how people want to meet others anymore.

Either way ... suffice it to say that yes, (my dear friend, I'm talking to you), I am severely disappointed that Writerman canceled. Yes, he was more apologetic than Bostonman. But I feel a deeper level of bummed-ness because much like how my friend banks on that once-every-two-months girl, maybe I was banking on this to work. To come through, following my bout of bad luck.

Much to my chagrin, I even texted Writerman twice to say that I was sorry he got caught up at work and to text me to reschedule some time.

It's about an hour later and he hasn't responded.

Something tugs my heart. Rejection, regardless of form or depth, still hurts.

This isn't all fun and games as I set this out to be. Especially not when you start realizing that throwing yourself into internet dating really may not work for you.