Some deep thoughts

I had lunch with Oldieman (this nickname is really becoming borderline offensive, in my opinion) today.

I've forgotten what it's like to be taken out on a proper date by company I really enjoy. I've been grappling with this age difference in my head, but it seems like I only worry about it when I'm not with him.

When I am with him, it's never apparent that he's so much older than I am or that I'm so much younger than he is. We just kind of have this rolling conversation full of interjections and random thoughts.

Some commonalities among us:
- Sleeping late
- Procrastinating
- Good food
- Cats
- Poor attention spans
- The appreciation of an excellent kiss

I brought up today how it seems that everyone on Match has one major fault. Still can't seem to figure out what his is.

But I'm beginning to realize what mine might be.

I'm stuck in this vulnerable place where I can continue this with Oldieman like a game, or I can continue this like a normal human being, not masking my feelings or keeping my guard up, but just going with the flow.

Granted, it's only been two dates, but it's apparent the feeling is mutual that there is some kind of chemistry between us.

"Is this weird that this is only the second date? I feel really close to you," he says.

Sounds like a cheap line out of a romantic comedy featuring Jennifer Lopez that tanked at the box office, but I'll buy it. For now.

The one thing to discern is whether his chemistry stems from thinking I'm "hot" and "pretty" and "beautiful" or if it comes from actually liking me. As a person, sans tits and ass. I'm leaning more towards the latter, only because if he just wanted to sleep with me, he would've strategically (or not) tried to get me in his apartment already. Right?

Oldieman has made me realize just how important looks are to the online dating world. He's also made me realize how much power one holds when they're repeatedly told how "hot" and "pretty" and "beautiful" they are.

This happened with the aforementioned guy I dated last year. I had a lot of control over our relations because he pretty much granted them to me. But in hindsight, I didn't like that guy like I do Oldieman.

With Oldieman, I'm not so sure where my level of power lies.

Parts of me like this attention because I've forgotten what it's like for someone to want to actually spend time with me. And for someone who HAS that time to spend with me (a dig at my ex-douche bag boyfriend).

I'm beginning to like Oldieman for a number of reasons that go beyond thinking his smile is sexy or that it's horribly attractive that he comes off as being so approachable. And honest. (We talked about his family and how he regrets having taken so long to figure out a career. Showed his vulnerable side by telling me he hopes I don't see him as some displaced 37-year-old with no clear plan. Which I don't. I just hope he doesn't think I'm some dumb, young 23-year-old still in party-mode and fresh outta college.)

He wants to know when we can see each other again, to get drinks in the city, which makes me feel so strange because I've never been in a situation where I've been wanted like this. I've always wanted that person more than they wanted me. He's forward about wanting to spend time with me, which is something that draws me to him.

I'll relish this attention because it's nice not always having to be the one to initiate plans or conversation. But I wonder how far I can take this, and if I'm really can play this game with Oldieman like I had planned.

It's really a decision of for how long do I keep my guard up. But then again, will I know the right time to take it down?